theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
