i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
