dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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