Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
