I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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