i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
