God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
