I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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