I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.