The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.