brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day