Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.