just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm