we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.