That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize