Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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