I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You took a bar mat shot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
