i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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