Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
