Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
