Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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