I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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