Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
