You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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