Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
