Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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