So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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