I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
