p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
