I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
