So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
