dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
