I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
