I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
