is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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