I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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