wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
