I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
