Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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