I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
