1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this boner is exhausting
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
