GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
