I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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