Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
