In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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