so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
