where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
