hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
