Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
