I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
