You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
