I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
