dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
