I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
