WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
