one might say we're banned from that church
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
