You don't have asthma, your pregnant
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
