dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
