if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
