Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
