Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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