I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
