I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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