Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
