i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
