People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
