im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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