ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
