So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
