how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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