I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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