just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's even glitter on my cock...
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