While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
