mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
