he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
