I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
