He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize