I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
