I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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